Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
SPIKE MILLIGANHer mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
SPIKE MILLIGAN