I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
SPIKE MILLIGANContraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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In the human race today, you came last.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
SPIKE MILLIGAN