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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

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Occasion Protection

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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Funny Planning Preparation Wrong
We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Car Carry Love Relationship Sex Vehicle
There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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Death Far Laughter Live Time
Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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Better Class Enemy Friendship Money Yourself
Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
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Funny Heart Love Nation Patriot Yourself
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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Country Enough Fools Funny People Politics Time Yourself
Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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Children Dog Funny Rich
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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Father Funny Himself Influence Mad
I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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Joke Laughter Myself Sing
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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Chance Happiness Money Myself
My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Age Confusion Father Myself Name
God made night, But man made darkness.
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Darkness Deep Invention Man Night One Liner Spiritual
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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Come Myself Quiet
I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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Beginning Book Funny Myself Poem Reading
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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Sea Sick Tree
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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Born Death Myself People

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