My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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