I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWe sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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