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I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.

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Bury Clear Dead Dinner Food Phase Serve Table Three

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I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
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Anybody Behind Doing Eighteen Iron Know Now Use Year
Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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Comedy Revisited Tragedy
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
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Advice Away Bottle Children Follow Keep Transquilzer Work
I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
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Cloth Doctor Go Look Love Man Say Take
I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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Age Back Do Go More Than
I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
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Beauty Came Constant Country Hit Last Mouth Once People Person
You’ve got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It’s when somebody steps on the bride’s train, or belches during the ceremony that you’ve got comedy!
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Beautiful Bribe Comedy Everything Goes Got Realize Somebody Step Train
Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
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Always Before Down Drink Fall Friend Health
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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Humble Keep Know Mirror
To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
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Apply Clean Neighbour Roaster Something
Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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Dog Every Go Howl Near Stove Time
I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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Karate Look Overpower Perfume Sick
I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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Come Have May Live Onion Ought Side So Sport
My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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Hate Mingle Moher Once Orphanage Told Took
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
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Buy Get Gun Husbvband Into No Reply Say Shop Women
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Away Children Home Keep Only Parent Some Thing Threaten

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