Comedy is tragedy revisited.
PHYLLIS DILLERI serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.
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You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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