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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle

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Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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Aim Fool High Off Shoot
We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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Accused Constant Country Drought Fire Food Mud Swanson
The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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Bad Earn Ever Kid Last Lose Money Old Teeth Thing
You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.
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I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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Karate Look Overpower Perfume Sick
Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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Comedy Revisited Tragedy
Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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Begin Else Everything Fal Maybe Out Spread Start True Wear
Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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Cook Food Lose May never Serve Taste
Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
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Attack Country Dog Even Hear Ible Lisp Mail One People Person Piddle
I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
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Chocolate Dirt Like Serve Show
The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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Best Eat Getmrid Kitchen Odor Out Way
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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Beneath Breast Knee Law Left Mother Out Pain Trick Tuned
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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Love Man Marry Money Nothing Tennis
They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
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Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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Dog Every Go Howl Near Stove Time

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