The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
PHYLLIS DILLERMy mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
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My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, ‘Who could have done this? We have no enemies!’
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The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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I was the world’s ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
PHYLLIS DILLER