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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
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Constant Difference Other Same Song Technology Thought Wine Year
My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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Bad Body Phase Prescription Shape Such Underwater Wear
Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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Dog Every Go Howl Near Stove Time
You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
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Aligator Barefoot Compliment Know Shoe Someone
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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Any Argument Bank Been Cab Country Just Robbed Three Time
When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
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Beach Come Even Go Tide
Doctors say it’s okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
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After Ambulance Attack Close Doctor Door Heart Okay Provide
I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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Bury Clear Dead Dinner Food Phase Serve Table Three
You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.
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Airbag Now Old Walkertr
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
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Buy Get Gun Husbvband Into No Reply Say Shop Women
My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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Brisk Excercise Good Idea Sit
We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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Accused Constant Country Drought Fire Food Mud Swanson
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
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Age Glove Love Old Sport Through
Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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Comedy Revisited Tragedy
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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Love Man Marry Money Nothing Tennis
Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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Do Life Practice Work Yourself

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