Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
PHYLLIS DILLERI once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
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I was the world’s ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
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There’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.
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Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
PHYLLIS DILLER