Comedy is tragedy revisited.
PHYLLIS DILLERI once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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I’m the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.
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I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
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I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
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Before you get married you should meet your fiance’s parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.
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If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.
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You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.
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I was the world’s ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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I’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, ‘Who could have done this? We have no enemies!’
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My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
PHYLLIS DILLER






