My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
PHYLLIS DILLERI once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
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self-pity is better than none.
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Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
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I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
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My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
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All mothers are working mothers.
PHYLLIS DILLER