I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
PHYLLIS DILLERI admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.
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The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
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Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
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Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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All mothers are working mothers.
PHYLLIS DILLER