Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
PHYLLIS DILLERI admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
-
-
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
PHYLLIS DILLER






