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If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be – a Christian.

Mark Twain

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
MARK TWAIN

Create Disappointment Father Heaven Humour Man Monkey
Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
MARK TWAIN

Eat Frog Funny Humour Morning
I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
MARK TWAIN

Born Dead Death Fear Inconvenience Inspirational Suffering
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it.
MARK TWAIN

Country Deserve Government Help Patriotism Support
Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
MARK TWAIN

Acknowledgement Authority Commit Fault Guard Opportunity Throw
A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.
MARK TWAIN

Book Humour Success Writing
I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!
MARK TWAIN

Decision Humour Mind
There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.
MARK TWAIN

Comedy Drama Impossible Interesting Life Tragedy
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
MARK TWAIN

Clothes Influence Man Naked People Society
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
MARK TWAIN

Eat Fight Food Life Secret Success
Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.
MARK TWAIN

Certain Education Ignorance Miserable Path
The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.
MARK TWAIN

Die Friendship Trouble Worth
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
MARK TWAIN

Confidence Ignorance Life Patience Success Victory
Classic – a book which people praise and don’t read.
MARK TWAIN

Book Praise Read
There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man’s notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
MARK TWAIN

Humour Man Savage World
Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
MARK TWAIN

Argument Difference Excuse Fools

If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be – a Christian.

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If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be – a Christian.

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