I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARXWhile money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
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Whatever it is, I’m against it.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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Time wounds all heels.
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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Room service? Send up a larger room.
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I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX






