Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
GROUCHO MARXWhile money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX