Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARXYou can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX -
Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX -
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX -
I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX -
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX -
Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX -
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX