If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARXA child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX -
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
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Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX






