Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARXHollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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Whatever it is, I’m against it.
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
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We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX