Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARXHollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
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Whatever it is, I’m against it.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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Room service? Send up a larger room.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX