Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARXHollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
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Time wounds all heels.
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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
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Room service? Send up a larger room.
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No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX