While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARXMost young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARX -
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX -
Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARX -
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
GROUCHO MARX -
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
Any place I hang my head is home.
GROUCHO MARX -
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX -
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
GROUCHO MARX