I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARXMost young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX -
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX -
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX -
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX -
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX -
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX -
Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX -
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
GROUCHO MARX -
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX -
I must admit, I was born at an early age.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX






