I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARXI’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARXI am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
GROUCHO MARXLaugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARXWhen you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARXA year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARXI intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARXGetting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARXShe got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARXEach morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
GROUCHO MARXWe left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARXA man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARXI love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
GROUCHO MARXOne morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARXI’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARXAll geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARXIf a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX