One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARXIf a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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Time wounds all heels.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX