Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
GROUCHO MARXIf a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Time wounds all heels.
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Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX