I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARXIf a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
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I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
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I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX