Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARXI don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX -
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX -
Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX -
She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARX -
I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
GROUCHO MARX -
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX -
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX -
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX -
Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
GROUCHO MARX -
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX






