I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARXI don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX -
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX -
Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX -
Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX -
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX -
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX -
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARX -
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX -
In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
GROUCHO MARX -
Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
GROUCHO MARX