If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARXWhy, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX -
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX -
Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARX -
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARX -
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX -
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX -
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX -
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX