From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARXWhy, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
-
-
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX -
Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX -
While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX -
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX -
Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
GROUCHO MARX -
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
GROUCHO MARX -
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX -
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
GROUCHO MARX