No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARXNo one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARXIf you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARXShe got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARXAnyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARXI’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARXDo you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARXI’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARXI have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARXI don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARXMilitary intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARXSomebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
GROUCHO MARXMilitary justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARXIf a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARXA man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARXBehind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARXDon’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX