While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARXWhy, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX -
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX -
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX -
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX -
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX -
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX -
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
GROUCHO MARX -
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX






