I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARXDon’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARX -
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX -
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX -
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX -
She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARX -
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX -
Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
GROUCHO MARX -
I must admit, I was born at an early age.
GROUCHO MARX -
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX -
I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX -
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX






