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Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.

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Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX

Against Attitude
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Humour Judge Jury Marriage One Liner
Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Education Reading Television
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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Attitude Life Principles Rules
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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Book Education Humour Read Room Television
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX

Almony Dead Divorce Funny Horse Pay
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX

Applesauce Cranberry Taste
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
GROUCHO MARX

Billion Birthday Cells Life One Liner
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Fools Trouble Writing Yourself
I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
GROUCHO MARX

Ex Girl Look Pain Past Sad
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX

Lucky Person Pool Swimming Underwater
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX

Bed Inspirational Lazy One Liner Worth
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Comfortable Dog Goodness Peace Woman
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Hero Heroine Tits
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Arrow Banana Fly Fruit Time
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX

Animal Black Cat Cross Funny Humour Path

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