My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARXDon’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX -
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX -
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX -
She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX -
Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX -
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX -
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARX -
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX