The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARXJust give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX -
A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARX -
She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARX -
Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARX -
I must admit, I was born at an early age.
GROUCHO MARX -
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX -
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX -
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARX -
Humour is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX -
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX -
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX