I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARXJust give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX -
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX -
Humour is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX -
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX -
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX -
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX -
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX -
Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX