A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARXJust give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX -
Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARX -
In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time wounds all heels.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX -
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX -
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
GROUCHO MARX -
I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX -
A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARX -
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
GROUCHO MARX