Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARXOne morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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All geniuses die young.
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Whatever it is, I’m against it.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
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Time wounds all heels.
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARX






