A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARXIf you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
GROUCHO MARX -
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX -
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX -
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX -
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX -
I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX -
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX -
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX






