From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARXMarriage is the chief cause of divorce.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
GROUCHO MARX -
While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX -
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
GROUCHO MARX -
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARX