I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARXMarriage is the chief cause of divorce.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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All geniuses die young.
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I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
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Whatever it is, I’m against it.
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
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I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
GROUCHO MARX