Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARXMarriage is the chief cause of divorce.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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Humour is reason gone mad.
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Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
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If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
GROUCHO MARX