Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARXMarriage is the chief cause of divorce.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
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She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX