Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARXWhy don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time wounds all heels.
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX -
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX -
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
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While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARX






