If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARXWhy don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARX -
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX -
She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARX -
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time wounds all heels.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX -
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX -
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX