From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARXIf you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
-
-
A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX -
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
GROUCHO MARX -
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
GROUCHO MARX -
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX -
I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX -
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARX -
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARX






