From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARXI wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX -
Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time wounds all heels.
GROUCHO MARX -
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
GROUCHO MARX -
Any place I hang my head is home.
GROUCHO MARX -
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARX -
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX -
Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX -
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX