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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX

Bore Hole Insult Run
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
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Hear Memories Past Stop Story
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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Bad Day Evening Wonderful
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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Arrive Dead Future Happiness Inspirational Life Past Present
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Bed Inspirational Lazy One Liner Worth
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Lucky Person Pool Swimming Underwater
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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Footprint Photography Socks Upstairs
I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
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Club Freedom Member
Any place I hang my head is home.
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Hang Head Home One Liner Place
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
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Against Attitude
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Humour Judge Jury Marriage One Liner
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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Freedom Money Thinking
If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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Deviation Dirty Honor Liar Thief Writing Yourself
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Arrow Banana Fly Fruit Time
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
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Born Democracy People Republic
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX

Children Fetch Funny Understand

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