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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!

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Funny Girlfriend Meet Naughty Wife

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX

Insult One Liner Respect
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Arrow Banana Fly Fruit Time
I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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Admit Age Born Early Life
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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Funny Missing One Liner Women
Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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Die Halfway Heaven One Liner West
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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Dead Funny Man One Liner Stop Watch
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX

Channel Cry Laugh Selfish Watch World
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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Footprint Photography Socks Upstairs
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
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Funny Hero Heroine Tits
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX

Deal Fake Honesty Humour Life Secret
Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Education Reading Television
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Lucky Person Pool Swimming Underwater
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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Humour Meet Night Own Theater
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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Funny Humour Mind Smoking
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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Man One Liner Success Victory Wife Woman
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARX

Elephant Funny Humour Morning Pajama

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