The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARXWe’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX -
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
GROUCHO MARX -
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX -
I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX -
Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
GROUCHO MARX -
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX -
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
I must admit, I was born at an early age.
GROUCHO MARX -
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX -
Humour is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX






