Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARXIf I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX -
Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX -
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX -
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX -
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX -
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX -
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
GROUCHO MARX -
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX -
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX






