Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARXYesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARXI must admit, I was born at an early age.
GROUCHO MARXMilitary intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARXI am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
GROUCHO MARXIf you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARXAnything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARXThose are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARXWho says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
GROUCHO MARXI intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARXLaugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARXI never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARXWe left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARXIf you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARXJust give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
GROUCHO MARXI’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
GROUCHO MARXWhen you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARX