Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARXOutside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Go, and never darken my towels again.
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I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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Room service? Send up a larger room.
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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX






