One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARXOutside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
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A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
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While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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I only write first editions.
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX