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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.

Groucho Marx

If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX

Hear Memories Past Stop Story
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARX

Best Friend Friendship Funny Goodness Jail Try
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Hero Heroine Tits
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX

Fly Love Money Reality Truth
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Leadership Man Women
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX

Deal Fake Honesty Humour Life Secret
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX

Humour Meet Night Own Theater
I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
GROUCHO MARX

Ex Girl Look Pain Past Sad
I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
GROUCHO MARX

Clothes Sex Sexy Triumphed Women
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX

Attitude Insult One Liner Remind Talk Time
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX

Bless Crack Light One Liner
A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARX

Comedy Funny Humour Nickle Pocket
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX

Love Man Romance Room
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
GROUCHO MARX

Equality Freedom Prejudices
Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX

Angry Funny One Liner Towel
Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
GROUCHO MARX

Art Humour Water

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.

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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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