Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
GEORGE CARLINIf someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
More George Carlin Quotes
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Meow means woof in cat.
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN







