The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
GEORGE CARLINSo, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
More George Carlin Quotes
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
GEORGE CARLIN