People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
GEORGE CARLINNever underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
More George Carlin Quotes
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
GEORGE CARLIN