The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLINPeople who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
More George Carlin Quotes
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
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Is there another word for synonym?
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
GEORGE CARLIN