I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
GEORGE CARLINA good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
More George Carlin Quotes
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLIN