One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
GEORGE CARLINOne tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
GEORGE CARLINAvoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
GEORGE CARLINPeople can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
GEORGE CARLINInstead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
GEORGE CARLINIf a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
GEORGE CARLINMost people with low self-esteem have earned it.
GEORGE CARLINSo, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
GEORGE CARLINPeople love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
GEORGE CARLINHave you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
GEORGE CARLINAge is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
GEORGE CARLINMen are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
GEORGE CARLINThere’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
GEORGE CARLINThere’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
GEORGE CARLINThe IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
GEORGE CARLINMay the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLINLife is tough, then you die.
GEORGE CARLIN