Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
GEORGE CARLINThe IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
GEORGE CARLIN