If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLINInside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
More George Carlin Quotes
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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Is there another word for synonym?
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
GEORGE CARLIN