Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
GEORGE CARLINMeow means woof in cat.
More George Carlin Quotes
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
GEORGE CARLIN