Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
GEORGE CARLINA cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
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I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
GEORGE CARLIN