So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
GEORGE CARLINSo, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
GEORGE CARLINIf a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
GEORGE CARLINI’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
GEORGE CARLINI put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
GEORGE CARLINI like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
GEORGE CARLINWeather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
GEORGE CARLINIt’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
GEORGE CARLINIf you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
GEORGE CARLINI had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
GEORGE CARLINThe IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
GEORGE CARLINRegarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
GEORGE CARLINPeople love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
GEORGE CARLINIs there another word for synonym?
GEORGE CARLINPeople always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
GEORGE CARLINLet a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
GEORGE CARLINMost people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
GEORGE CARLIN