May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLINMay the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLINIf someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
GEORGE CARLINIsn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
GEORGE CARLINSometimes a little brain damage can help.
GEORGE CARLINA cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
GEORGE CARLINWhen you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
GEORGE CARLINOne tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
GEORGE CARLINFighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLINI like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
GEORGE CARLINAtheism is a non-prophet organization.
GEORGE CARLINOne good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
GEORGE CARLINPeople can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
GEORGE CARLINIf a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
GEORGE CARLINThe safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
GEORGE CARLINPardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
GEORGE CARLINWould a fly without wings be called a walk?
GEORGE CARLIN