Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
GEORGE CARLINWe are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN