My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.
BOB HOPETelevision. That’s where movies go when they die.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan – Go for the Gold.
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President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.
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My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?
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Be happy you guys. Be proud! You know what you are: you’re God’s frozen people.
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I love flying. I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.
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I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?
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I like to come to Washington, D.C., at least once a year. Why should my tax money travel more than I do?
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Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.
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I tell jokes to pay my green fees.
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Sure Vietnam is a dirty war. I’ve never heard of a clean one.
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Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.
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Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It’s going to get us out of the house after dark!
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I get upset over a bad shot just like anyone else. But it’s silly to let the game get to you.
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It’s a wonderful world. It may destroy itself but you’ll be able to watch it all on TV.
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Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.
BOB HOPE