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Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome – the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.

Bob Hope

Failure is the only thing I’ve ever been a success at.
BOB HOPE

Decent Garden State
Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Funny Marriage Two
That’s life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.
BOB HOPE

Dieting Golf Loss Weight
Perfume acts as an anesthetic. By the time she floats a little your way, you’ll promise her anything.
BOB HOPE

Country Littles People Promise Way
The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he’s really pissed off.
BOB HOPE

Jesus News Pissed
Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Night Reason Same
Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees.
BOB HOPE

Business Golf Green Pay
I just hope I don’t have to explain all the times I’ve used His name in vain when I get up there.
BOB HOPE

Get Golf Names Vain
When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage – he shot both his parents and moved in.
BOB HOPE

Actors Comedy Parent
I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
BOB HOPE

Friend Funny Hate Inspiration
Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.
BOB HOPE

Drinking Kissing Tea
I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?
BOB HOPE

Addresses Government Perfect Return
It’s amazing how many people you see on TV. I did my first television show a month ago, and the next day five million television sets were sold. The people who couldn’t sell theirs threw them away.
BOB HOPE

Day Next People See Sold Television
The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.
BOB HOPE

Apart Dog Miles Pet Tree
For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green
BOB HOPE

Firsts Green Oscars
The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
BOB HOPE

Country Humorous People Soup

Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome – the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.

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Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome – the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bob Hope Quotes