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Perfume acts as an anesthetic. By the time she floats a little your way, you’ll promise her anything.

Bob Hope

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?
BOB HOPE

Christmas Holiday Old Fashioned Xmas
We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.
BOB HOPE

Courses Decide Golf Play Spring
The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
BOB HOPE

Country Humorous People Soup
You know what a fan letter is – it’s just an inky raspberry.
BOB HOPE

Fans Letters Raspberries
Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don’t worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.
BOB HOPE

Blow Home Hurricane Tornadoes Typhoon Worry
I led such a sheltered life I didn’t go out with girls until I was almost four.
BOB HOPE

Four Girl Lives Sheltered
When you get over 95, every day is your day.
BOB HOPE

Country Day Every Get Over People
My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.
BOB HOPE

Doors Even Garage Love Makin Next
Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Definitely Essence Life
I love flying. I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.
BOB HOPE

Flying Funny Travel Luggage
Everybody is afraid they won’t have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.
BOB HOPE

Discover Funny Money Taken
It’s a wonderful world. It may destroy itself but you’ll be able to watch it all on TV.
BOB HOPE

May Watches World
US President Gerald Ford’s golf was so bad we thought he was a ‘Hitman for the PGA!
BOB HOPE

Ford Gerald Golf President
Audiences are my best friends. You never tire of talking with your best friends.
BOB HOPE

Best Friend Talking Tire
England occupies a warm spot in my affections. It was the scene of my greatest performance. I was born there.
BOB HOPE

England Funny Humorous Performance
I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Money People

Perfume acts as an anesthetic. By the time she floats a little your way, you’ll promise her anything.

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Perfume acts as an anesthetic. By the time she floats a little your way, you’ll promise her anything.

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Popular Authors

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