“The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.”

The Internet is like Hitler they think they are getting rid of the problem but they’re not.

Never forget that the devil is there 24/7 too. He’s very, very busy.

Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.

Mediocre people are the most dangerous people in the world.

There is no labor a person does that is undignified; if they do it right.

All Children Have Brain Damage!

And so the dentist says ‘Rinse.’ So you lean over, and you’re lookin’ at this miniature toilet bowl.

The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.

And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl there’s a little voice that say, ‘I wonder where he would go if it hadn’t been for his head.

Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.

I’m not the boss of my house. I don’t know how I lost it, I don’t know when I lost it, I don’t really think I ever had it. But I’ve seen the boss’s job and I don’t want it!

Intellectuals are people who go to study things other people do naturally.

All parents experience the same problems.

It is a point of pride for the American male to keep the same size jockey shorts for his entire life.

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

I brought you in this world, and I can take you out!

It would be great to be able to pass on to someone all of the successes, the failures, and the knowledge that one has had. To help someone, avoid all the fire, pain and anxiety would be wonderful.

Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.

I avoid clients for whom advertising is only a marginal factor in their marketing mix. They have an awkward tendency to raid their advertising appropriations whenever they need cash for other purposes.

I’d love to remain a secret and still work, but I also want people to see the movies I’m in and get a higher profile because of that. I like to think that as long as you continue choosing diverse roles, you can avoid becoming predictable.

Use the difficulties – if you can’t avoid them

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books – how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.

Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.

Government ought to be all outside and no inside. Everybody knows that corruption thrives in secret places, and avoids public places, and we believe it a fair presumption that secrecy means impropriety.