Dog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
TIM ALLENNever comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
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Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
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For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
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I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
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Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
TIM ALLEN