I do a lot of family shows.
TIM ALLENNever comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
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The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas – where it’s a beautiful theater – is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
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Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
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I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
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When you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
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Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
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Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
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Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
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But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
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I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
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I’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
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For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
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Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.
TIM ALLEN