I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
TIM ALLEN
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
TIM ALLEN -
In my experience, it’s all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
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I have a thing for tools.
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When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
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Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of “Yeah, we might have to reboot.”
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
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I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
TIM ALLEN -
I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
TIM ALLEN